the past four weeks.

So, I went back to uni and attended a course to teach me revision methods and how to study and to basically give me the required kick up the arse to study. I also started going to counseling and have been four or five times now, it's good. Somewhat upsetting at times, but definitely something I am going to continue doing.

The main things that I've learnt from it are that I find it extremely difficult to accept that people would want to do something for me. I had never realised until talking to the counsellor but I had felt this before when I was in primary school and my granda built me a boat. I don't feel like I deserve good things to happen to me for some reason - realising this was one of the most upsetting things ever for me, i'm now concerned that because of this I won't ever be able to feel loved.

While I was back at uni I felt like I made some really good friends, mostly people I knew before but just hadn't spent time with them enough to appreciate what great people and friends they could be. I feel like when i'm at uni people have time for me and actually want to include me in things they do, when i'm at home I often find myself feeling left out, bored, and going through my phonebook calling people who say 'maybe later' or 'i'll call you back', but never do.

I'm going to get up now and nip over to work and let them know i'm back home now, get tarted there tomorrow and hopefully having a bit of a routine will make me feel better!