so I came here to write while I cried. It wouldn't let me log in so I cried some more and then had an overwhelming urge to cut again, I did. IM SO ANNOYED that I did it. but I feel fine now.

I am such a junkie of some sort.

I need to find out what is released by the body by smoking cannabis, self harming, and sex. I think it's endorphins but im not sure on the whole thing. aparently they are like morphine, I can see myself becoming a junkie and dying at this rate!

Claire looks absoutley stunning in all the photos I see of her from LA, it's really cutting me up. I guess her dads doing it because he knows i'll see them and i've been a dick to her so he wants to get me back.

I hope so much that she will come to edinburgh to see erol alkan, i'd love to stay the night somewhere with her but well have to see how that pans out.

im such a loser.

actually had a good night tonight apart from crying at 4am

happy new year.